Well, I've been feeling pretty damn depressed lately, but that has changed! Things are looking up again! What was depressing the most was looking into the future of the educational path I had chosen. I was just so unhappy with everything about university. I felt like just a number, which I mostly was w/ most class sizes between 150 - 300 students. In college, my biggest classes were maybe 50 students. I also don't really like my classes, or the ones I have to take to get my science degree. Plus, I have met 4 people who have Biology degrees, that have all gone on to do further schooling in a different field because they couldn't get a job in their chosen field. Not too encouraging. I was thinking of trying to get into Veterinary school, but that would mean at least SIX more years of university, which I just couldn't handle.

So I ran across a course offered by the Olds College new Calgary Campus, called Veterinary Medical Reception, an 8 month certificate program. I thought that would be great for me! I did enjoy doing office work at my last job, and if I could work w/ animals (which I love), that would be even better!  It starts in January, and runs until August. Then I would hopefully get a job and work full time and pay off some bills, then there is another course I'd like to take. It's a two year diploma in Animal Health Technology, basically a nurse for animals! The next best thing to being a vet! Plus, even better, they have an online course option, so I could still work and get my diploma! I've finally got my life on track, and I'm happy with where it's headed. That was one thing that was really bothering me, I just couldn't find my calling, but I think I've finally found it! YAY!!  I'll find out tomorrow if I get into the Veterinary Medical Receptionist program, but I talked to the admissions person on the phone, and it doesn't sound like I'd have any troubles getting in. Plus they have really small classes!! It sounds like the max. no. of students would be 30! That's more like it!

Now I just have to get through this semester of university. I dropped my calculus course, it was just giving me so much grief and I knew I would fail it anyways! So I only have three classes. The problem is, I just have NO motivation to even go to class, because I know I'm not continuing with it. But I only have two weeks left of classes, then exams. Not really a big deal I guess. I can do it!

Anyways, I have to get back to my chores. Have a good one!

This is from the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_Flanders_Fields website. We must always remember the sacrafices made for us, and still being made for us by our troops.

A small portion of In Flanders Fields appeared alongside McCrae's portrait on a Canadian stamp of 1968, issued to commemorate a half-century since his death.

Wreaths of artificial poppies used as a symbol of remembrance

In Flanders Fields is one of the most famous poems about World War I, in the form of a French rondeau. It was written by Canadian physician and Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on May 3, 1915 and published later that year in Punch magazine. The poppies referred to in the poem grew in profusion in Flanders Field, where war casualties had been buried and thus became a symbol of Remembrance Day. The poem is part of Remembrance Day solemnities in Allied countries which contributed troops to WWI, particularly in countries of the British Empire which did so.

An official adaptation into French, used by the Canadian government in Remembrance Day ceremonies, was written by Jean Pariseau and is entitled Au champ d'honneur.

The poem has achieved near-mythical status in contemporary Canada, and is easily one of the nation's proudest symbols. Most Remembrance Day ceremonies will feature a reading of the poem in some form, and many Canadian schoolchildren memorize the verse.

A portion of the poem is now printed on Canadian $10 notes, where it spawned a false rumour that the poem had been misprinted, resulting from popular confusion between the first line's "blow" and the penultimate line's "grow". The lines "To you from failing hands we throw the torch; be yours to hold it high" have been adopted as the motto of the Montreal Canadiens hockey team.

The poem has also inspired several "response" poems, written from the point of view of the still-living to whom the torch is thrown, in reply to the challenge that McCrae puts forth in his final stanza.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Well, it's been quite awhile since I've posted. I don't know if it's that I haven't had the time, or I just have nothing positive to say right now. I'm still feeling pretty depressed right now... I actually think it may be SAD (seasonal affective disorder), or just the fact that I'm stressed out to the max, and I don't really have any way of dealing w/ my stress, so it just builds up.

School is still difficult, I did get a tutor for my calculus course, which has helped a bit, however I am still positive that I'm going to fail. There's just too much to catch up on, that I don't think I can, and I just don't have the time to right now. I have to concentrate on my other classes too. Good news is there's only one month left of classes! Yay! I can't wait till Christmas break! Oh, I guess it's actually "Winter break" now... Christmas is a bad word nowadays... well I won't get into that right now though.

My part-time job is going OK. It's really quite boring actually, but hey, it brings in a badly needed paycheck! My boss is expecting me to work around 40 hrs a week over Christmas break. I really don't want to, I really need some time to myself to unwind, but we really could use the extra cash too. Especially at that time of year. I did up a "household budget" last night. Turns out we have -10 dollars every month! Awesome! Well, not so much. It's pretty depressing actually. I hate being broke. Well, I don't think anyone actually likes it! But it's a hard adjustment to make for us.

Anyways, not much else is new really. I have a 4 day weekend this weekend, so that's exciting! I don't have much planned, I have to work 3 out of 4 days. And I have 2 big tests next week I must study for.

Chris's cousins came down last weekend and two of my friends, so we got to party it up! It was nice to finally socialize again! That's one thing that's been getting me down, is the lack of friends! I find it's really hard to meet people here. And especially at the university. It is so big, and all the classes are so huge (hundreds of students usually) that it's hard to meet people. At least I have labs, which only have about 25 students in them, I've met more people through them, but none of them are real friendships, just peers.

Well, I should go. I'll try to make more of an effort to get in here!

Well, I've been feeling pretty lazy and uncreative lately, so I've been neglecting my blog!  Not too much is new... school takes up a lot of my time and I just started a part-time job too. I've been feeling pretty down lately. I have zero energy. I just can't get excited about anything. School has been really disappointing to me so far. I'm used to getting good grades without really trying too hard, and I really haven't been doing well at all. I'm failing calculus, and I'm so behind because I haven't been able to grasp any concepts, and of course they build on each other. But, I have set up a private tutor. I meet with him next Friday, so hopefully he will be able to help me out! I did really shitty on my Primate Studies term test (57%). Which was a big blow, because I walked out of there thinking I did really good! I did do well on my Geology term test (80.5%), so that is the only good news. I still have my Chem and Calculus midterms coming up.

I'm really frustrated at the state of my house. It's so messy, the dishes just keep on piling up, and there's STILL unpacked boxes lying around! I keep telling myself I'm going to tackle these problems, but something comes up, or I just loose motivation and get overwhelmed by looking at everything. So nothing gets done. And Chris is no help. He does the occassional load of dishes, but he never actually gets them all done. He just does enought to get us by for a week! We're such slobs.

I'm getting pretty depressed about our financial situation also. We have zero spending money and we're behind on bills every month, and our credit cards are racked up (but we've put a hold on using them anymore, to at least stop that spiral). I'm not used to this at all. The worst is our rent, it went up from $500/month to $1225/month. Granted, we moved from a one bdrm basement apartment to a 4 bdrm house w/ a garage. But it's killer. And my car insurance went up by almost $80/month just because I moved to Calgary! I couldn't believe it! And we're not used to the large utility bills that come w/ the house either. I'm pretty sure it's really poorly insulated too, so that should be fun when it really starts to get cold! I think the worst thing for me is giving up little pleasures like buying coffees or lunches. I have to think about every purchase, and if it's not absolutly nessassary, I have to say "no". Even if it's only $5-$10, that will still add up. It's so depressing. It makes me want to scream sometimes. And Chris's salary is so variable from month to month, which I guess comes with owning your own business. I just wish we could count on it more. And he just keeps adding more expenses to his company.

Plus I'm missing all my friends and family that're in Red Deer. I mean we still keep in contact, but it's not the same as actually seeing them. Chris and I are going up to Red Deer tomorrow for the night, so that should be good. My mom wants me to go to the Women's show there. Should be interesting. Chris and his dad want to go too, because they have a "guys" area with exotic cars, big screens, popcorn, and beer. Fun. (for them).

Anyways, Chris is bugging me to come to bed. Goodnight.